a beige facade

do you ever feel afraid
of meeting the real you
the one sat in the dark
beneath all of you
the tiny human
looking up
at all you did
throughout the years
you flipped through
the pages of your being
while she’s there
for help
asking for you

but who is you
beneath this flesh
who is you
the dirt you’re made of
the beige facade
the front you made
a cascade
into hard rock
not to hurt
when being
causes ache

upside down

years of having roots
deep down the ground
woke up
one day
upside down
roots cut
i flew
all the way
in the darkness
surrounded by stars
that died
thousands of years
but here i am
and all i remember
is the smell of grass
the sound of rivers
yet all i see
comsic emptiness
silenced by
a galaxy of nothingness


i grew up
fascinated by maths
always found x
always reached a conclusion
made me satisfied
i grew up
life isn’t like maths
and sometimes xs and ys
are implausible

i sleep every night
wake up faced with
unsolvable problems

and i am expected
to be okay
with not knowing the answers

i am okay
at least i think i am;

on most days
but on others
i am filled with doubts
with questions

the ink evaporates
while i
to solve
one more time

the problem
not to exist

they say
a flat line
nothing to solve anymore

you cannot save
the dead
can you now

tiny little you
woke up today
thinking you can save
the world around

some equations cannot be solved
and some
cannot be saved

and one day

i will believe

that too

is okay


i want to write
forgot how to spell
words don’t make sense
after twelve am

nothing has to rhyme anymore

i will write anyways
to thirteen years old me
i have to tell you
how much i love you

i love
every tear coming down your cheek
i love
every turn you made
every trial of existence
counting to ten
was too hard
but i love
all the effort
your muscles

you were there for me
you never knew
my love
you took care of me
you created me

i am made of every struggle
every breath
everytime you opened your eyes
to face a new day
to feel emotions
you’ve never felt before
a battlefield
you were not trained for

i love you
i love every second you were
up until now
i owe you
my existing breaths
my ease
my being
it’s all you
i owe it all to you

thank you

thank me

a puppet

woke up this morning under a spell
head pounding, so many rooms in my mind, noises of different pitches, i still hear you from last night. anger filled silence. “one deep breath”, i tell myself.

“who’s your master?” i remind this self.

“a puppet.”

am i a me? or am i a puppet? held captive in my own body, keep a smile they said.

living a life between brackets. confined; suffocated.

wake up
get ready
for yet another

a puppet; a show
get a ticket
attend my play
under a budget
handful of hope
another of despair
a splash of humor
for the audience
make them happy
watch them clap
curtain down
shut down
wait a minute
black screen count to three
another day
another play


maybe this is it

but maybe not

probably not,

i don’t want to ryhme today, no drafts

i just want to say that maybe, just maybe

today is the day you start living

maybe, you’re the only one standing between you and your greatest self

maybe you need one little push

and maybe just maybe this is it

remember when you were two, you probably don’t

but i promise you were fine, you didn’t care, you lived and laughed through your days, you also cried.. a lot

maybe learn something from the two year old version of you,

maybe channel the kid in you and let her be

let her free

maybe just maybe for once…

start being you,


who cares what everyone else thinks

i believe in you

and so should you

so maybe just maybe today is your day

to be


and whole