Tag: idontreallyknow

maybe

maybe this is it

but maybe not

probably not,

i don’t want to ryhme today, no drafts

i just want to say that maybe, just maybe

today is the day you start living

maybe, you’re the only one standing between you and your greatest self

maybe you need one little push

and maybe just maybe this is it

remember when you were two, you probably don’t

but i promise you were fine, you didn’t care, you lived and laughed through your days, you also cried.. a lot

maybe learn something from the two year old version of you,

maybe channel the kid in you and let her be

let her free

maybe just maybe for once…

start being you,

again

who cares what everyone else thinks

i believe in you

and so should you

so maybe just maybe today is your day

to be

free

and whole

war

the past year was all about going into war with my worst enemy; myself.

left every fight celebrating my loss, losing parts of me i needed to shed.

you start growing when you’re the only one noticing your battles;

celebrating every little win, leaving the battlefields brand new;

couldn’t even notice all the versions of you.

i ran out of ink; trying to journal every tiny thought, so many fleeting emotions couldn’t be fully felt.

black ink, endless paper, rewriting who i want to be, reinventing me.

happiness of a tree

i walk in silence beside your green leaves

i hear you sing to your branches

you choose to live every day

take care of your yield

you drink the water beneath

you look death in the eye

rooted too deep

she breathes into the sky

inhaling the smiles of the gatherers

exhaling gifts to the universe

happy to give away

her children

a selfless deed

and i ask myself

does she ever wallow or grieve

does she want to stay alive

does she fights the urge to leave

from where i stand

this tree

seems happier than me

too calm

too calm
the scary kind of calm

tornado warning kind of calm
silent screams kind of calm

so many at once
too much to exist
in one

am i the rain
am i the dancer under the rain
am i the one explaining
how did it rain

am i the melody
or am i the dance

feeling a lot
but none at all

stuck in a stranger that i call home

unsure

have you ever been certain
took a step towards
knowing exactly where to head

have you ever been sure
whom to walk with
or who to ask for help

have you ever known
where to go
when you feel alone

have you ever felt heard
were you ever seen before

i’ve always been
uncertain
unsure
never knew
where to head
feeling alone
on an empty road
ten steps back
one towards

nil

an empty fullness
filled with nothingness

a blur
am i feeling a lot
or is it nil

i no longer
weigh
or sense
is it tender
or is it firm

a gush
through me
leaving a hole

unable to heal
unable to cure

too hard

it’s too hard
asking my lips
to smile with lies

it’s too hard
asking my muscles
to relax and contract

it’s too hard
asking my mind
to focus on now

it’s too hard
to breathe in
and simply let out

it’s too hard
to let blood flow
out of my heart

it’s too hard
to harden my legs
and walk on ground

it’s too hard
to straighten my hands
and wave and laugh

it’s too hard
tonight
to be alive

hollow

hollow
unable to swallow

i wallow every night
in sorrow

waiting for the sun to rise

i bow to the light
and ask

if i can borrow
any of her shine

to help me tomorrow

starting my day with a lie
hoping no one notices

that i die

inside

every night

hoping for a better tomorrow