too calm

too calm
the scary kind of calm

tornado warning kind of calm
silent screams kind of calm

so many at once
too much to exist
in one

am i the rain
am i the dancer under the rain
am i the one explaining
how did it rain

am i the melody
or am i the dance

feeling a lot
but none at all

stuck in a stranger that i call home


have you ever been certain
took a step towards
knowing exactly where to head

have you ever been sure
whom to walk with
or who to ask for help

have you ever known
where to go
when you feel alone

have you ever felt heard
were you ever seen before

i’ve always been
never knew
where to head
feeling alone
on an empty road
ten steps back
one towards

too hard

it’s too hard
asking my lips
to smile with lies

it’s too hard
asking my muscles
to relax and contract

it’s too hard
asking my mind
to focus on now

it’s too hard
to breathe in
and simply let out

it’s too hard
to let blood flow
out of my heart

it’s too hard
to harden my legs
and walk on ground

it’s too hard
to straighten my hands
and wave and laugh

it’s too hard
to be alive


a friend of mine called sky
made me feel today

she told me;
outside there’s a world
internally another
and sometimes you get lost
you run and cover

put your hand on your heart
a feeling of utter

feel your beats
and repeat
i am here

don’t stutter


unable to swallow

i wallow every night
in sorrow

waiting for the sun to rise

i bow to the light
and ask

if i can borrow
any of her shine

to help me tomorrow

starting my day with a lie
hoping no one notices

that i die


every night

hoping for a better tomorrow

familiar strangers

new characters
coming along
walking through me

the pages of my book
are filled
with strangers

old lessons
different messengers

repeated patterns
repeated lessons

i’ve seen this before
“it’s different this time”
i tell myself… everytime

one thing is different for sure
and that thing is definitely me
not you

my mind is all over
from head to toe

one moment
above the clouds
next… way below

this chapter
shall not be named
blank pages
filled with vain

no title this time
enough stories for now

i shall not have another page
filled with gasps
filled with pain

i’ll end the sentence
before you speak any word
no more strangers
in my world



she’s simply afraid
in dire need of aid


thoughts strayed
stories replayed


always behaved
demanding praise

she was caged
self constrained

but she prayed
to the tunes she played

her soul bailed