too hard

it’s too hard
asking my lips
to smile with lies

it’s too hard
asking my muscles
to relax and contract

it’s too hard
asking my mind
to focus on now

it’s too hard
to breathe in
and simply let out

it’s too hard
to let blood flow
out of my heart

it’s too hard
to harden my legs
and walk on ground

it’s too hard
to straighten my hands
and wave and laugh

it’s too hard
tonight
to be alive

sky

a friend of mine called sky
made me feel today

she told me;
outside there’s a world
internally another
and sometimes you get lost
you run and cover

put your hand on your heart
a feeling of utter

feel your beats
and repeat
i am here

don’t stutter

hollow

hollow
unable to swallow

i wallow every night
in sorrow

waiting for the sun to rise

i bow to the light
and ask

if i can borrow
any of her shine

to help me tomorrow

starting my day with a lie
hoping no one notices

that i die

inside

every night

hoping for a better tomorrow

familiar strangers

new characters
coming along
walking through me

suddenly
the pages of my book
are filled
with strangers

old lessons
different messengers

repeated patterns
repeated lessons

i’ve seen this before
“it’s different this time”
i tell myself… everytime

one thing is different for sure
and that thing is definitely me
not you

my mind is all over
fireworks
from head to toe

one moment
above the clouds
next… way below

this chapter
shall not be named
blank pages
filled with vain

no title this time
enough stories for now

i shall not have another page
filled with gasps
filled with pain

i’ll end the sentence
before you speak any word
no more strangers
in my world

belong

where are we?

are we within?

can we live without?

without whom you might ask

without exactly the one you thought about

did we ever belong?

did we ever own?

anything beyond flesh or bone

were we ever there?

is it a place?

is it a where?

never felt near

never felt here

always been away

far

beyond

where nothing belongs

not a poem

hey you, yes you

since you’re here i wanna say a few things

it’s okay if you wanna leave but don’t worry it’s not that deep

i wouldn’t share my deepest secret with a stranger after all, or maybe i will

anyways this year was the weirdest of all

and i mean i bet it was for you too

and i don’t want to sound all positive and stuff

because no

it was bad

but i’ve been thinking recently about one thing

connection

i feel as a world

we’ve never been this connected before

like we’re all alone but together

this sense of togetherness have been with me

like we’ve been through stages of 2020

together

it’s weird but like also nice

anyways i am not here to say that i am sure you know that by now

i just want to say that i am proud of you

i know you’ve been going through something else

whatever that was for you

i am sure when added to what happened to the rest of us recently

it must have been SO hard

because lol i know me too

and for that i would like to say that you are really brave for putting up with all of that

and december has just started

and i don’t believe in new month new year new me and all

but if that makes you feel better then do it

it’s always a new chance

everyday is a new chance for you to try again

to get up

or to go to sleep since it’s almost 3 am

but i mean whatever you’re doing

wherever you are

i just hope you’re doing well

and i believe you’ll do even better tomorrow

i am happy you stayed here with me

because this is way too long and maybe one person reaches this line

but even if it’s just one person

i am happy you’re here

and i wish you the best

take care,

Hussa

fear

fear

she’s simply afraid
in dire need of aid

heaviness
outweighed

thoughts strayed
stories replayed

ashamed
stained
blamed

always behaved
demanding praise

she was caged
self constrained

but she prayed
swayed
to the tunes she played

her soul bailed
exhaled